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 hey guys and girls   Thanks for visiting!  2 my phantom zone,hop ma profile is interesting  lex_is_here@msn.com is ma msn If u hv timeN lex_is_dead@yahoo.co.uk is ma yahoooooO  .u can check Out my hi5 , Blogger n FaceBook  click bottom links, if u want to check them all sites are link to these links hi5 |
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ama发表:
Hi
I just go throgh ur space, it s gud, also i want to create my space like dat , im just fresher one to dis ,
lets see u again
5 月 25 日
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7月9日
Jokesss - Bad Hearing
Bad Hearing
A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you."
He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?" Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question. Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"
She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!"
A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you."
He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?" Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question. Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"
She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!"
Jokesss - Dog Calls
Dog Calls
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one
morning at four forty four AM by his ringing telephone. . .
"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said his angry neighbor.
Bernard thanked the caller politely.
The next morning at precisely four forty four AM Bernard called his
neighbor back . . .
"Good morning, Mr. Williams.... Just called to say that I don't *have* a dog."
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one
morning at four forty four AM by his ringing telephone. . .
"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said his angry neighbor.
Bernard thanked the caller politely.
The next morning at precisely four forty four AM Bernard called his
neighbor back . . .
"Good morning, Mr. Williams.... Just called to say that I don't *have* a dog."
Jokes - Cold water
Cold water
A young man went to his grandfather's place to stay for the weekend.
He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance.
He asked his grandfather,"Are you sure you washed it properly?"
"As clean as cold water can get it" was the reply.
So the young man shrugged and started eating.
The next day at breakfast he noticed that the plates were dirty and grimy. It also smelled a bit like dog.
Are you sure you washed it properly?"
"Clean as cold water can get it" was the reply again.
The man, a bit suspicious for his health, looked at his grandfather, than at his plate and started eating.
As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog jumped out in front of him, growled and generally blocked him from going forward.
"Cold water, leave the poor boy alone!" shouted the old man from inside.
A young man went to his grandfather's place to stay for the weekend.
He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance.
He asked his grandfather,"Are you sure you washed it properly?"
"As clean as cold water can get it" was the reply.
So the young man shrugged and started eating.
The next day at breakfast he noticed that the plates were dirty and grimy. It also smelled a bit like dog.
Are you sure you washed it properly?"
"Clean as cold water can get it" was the reply again.
The man, a bit suspicious for his health, looked at his grandfather, than at his plate and started eating.
As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog jumped out in front of him, growled and generally blocked him from going forward.
"Cold water, leave the poor boy alone!" shouted the old man from inside.
7月4日
Jokesss
Overconfidence
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,
"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
***********
Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
***********
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
***********
Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
***********
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
***********
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
***********
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
***********
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .
***********
Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
***********
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
***********
Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
***********
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
***********
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
***********
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
***********
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
***********
Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
***********
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
***********
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
***********
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
***********
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
***********
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
***********
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
***********
Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
***********
Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
***********
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
***********
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
***********
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
***********
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
***********
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
***********
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
I don't want to go to school
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't want to go to Skuwl
MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school."
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,
"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
***********
Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
***********
Marriage:
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
***********
Divorce:
Future tense of marriage
***********
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
***********
Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
***********
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
***********
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. .
***********
Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
***********
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
***********
Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
***********
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
***********
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
***********
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
***********
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
***********
Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
***********
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
***********
Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.
***********
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
***********
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
***********
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
***********
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
***********
Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I am not injured yet.
***********
Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY
***********
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
***********
Father:
A banker provided by nature.
***********
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
***********
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
***********
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
***********
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
I don't want to go to school
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't want to go to Skuwl
MOM: "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON: "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM: "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON: "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM: "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school."
7月2日
Jokesss
What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
" Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,
but I never told them anything !! "
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between people
who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his father and asked :
" Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from ? "
His father replied : " Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother,because I still have mine. "
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :
"Paul seems to be a very bright boy,
but spends too much of his time thinking about girls. "
The mother wrote back the next day :
" If you find a solution, please advise.
I have the same problem with his father ! "
-----------------------------------hehehehehe-------------------------
" Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,
but I never told them anything !! "
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between people
who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his father and asked :
" Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from ? "
His father replied : " Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother,because I still have mine. "
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Paul's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :
"Paul seems to be a very bright boy,
but spends too much of his time thinking about girls. "
The mother wrote back the next day :
" If you find a solution, please advise.
I have the same problem with his father ! "
-----------------------------------hehehehehe-------------------------
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